Rules, Addiction, and Choice

"So often, when we simply stop for a moment and clearly see the nature of our destructive patterns, the brightness of our awareness causes them to dissolve - without a struggle."¹ Paul Pitchford

I know there is a problem with my lifestyle when I start making promises to myself. I create little sets of rules that I think will govern my future actions.These rules always seem to fail, as Proust predicted: "our farthest reaching resolutions are always made in a short-lived state of mind."² This axiom is evident in my own life. The example that comes to mind is cigarettes. I have never been a smoker for long, although the habit has taken hold of me a few times in my life for short time-spans. These periods were characterized with self debasing thoughts pushing me to quit smoking. During one such period in the summer of 2010, I was smoking about six cigarettes per day. I would wake up every morning and do some stretches and then a short meditation.  During this meditation, I would repeat to myself over and over again - I will not smoke today, I will not smoke today - in a feverish, brow furrowing mantra. By around three o'clock each day I would cave and have a cigarette. So in my case, the state of mind that allowed me to make my resolution lasted at most 8 hours.

After a few weeks of this cycle, I realized the futility of my neurosis and post-poned the date of my smoking cessation to some benign future date. Until one evening, while on holidays in Spain, I met two elderly Irish couples who fervently urged me to quit smoking, citing the numerous friends they'd lost to cancer as a reason to never smoke again. They insisted so intensely that I put out my cigarette and quit. The reason I was now able to act on my wish to quit smoking, which had previously been no more than an obsessive fantasy, is that I saw clearly what a destructive habit it was. I went through the process of withdrawal and craving, but each time I had a craving, I made the choice not to smoke. I will admit that I smoke occassionally now, after a few pints, but it's no longer a habit in my daily life. Which brings me to another of Proust's ideas, "however much one may savour one's poison, when one has been forcibly deprived of it for any length of time, one is bound to be struck by how restful it can be to do without it."³ Abstinence from our addictions creates space in our minds to imagine a life without access to the substance to which we are addicted. I have learned that neurotic obsession with our addictions does not provide a respite, rather it strengthens the addiction by constantly bringing our attention to the thing we would like to avoid.

Abstinence is instrumental in overcoming obsession. But rather than creating rules and practicing future actions in my mind, I will focus my energy on creating a clear state of mind that will allow me, as Pitchford put it, to see the nature of my destructive patterns. In other words, rather than thinking about my problems, I will live them. As the zen master Shunryu Suzuki said, "when the problem is a part of you, there is no problem, because you are the problem itself [...] to solve the problem is to be part of it, to be one with it."⁴ I interpret his message to mean that dealing with our problems through our actions each moment is itself not a problem - it is life. Conversely, when we over-analyze our problems we become distraught because we have lost touch with our innate ability to live through adversity. Each moment is fresh and new, if we are present in each moment, we have the power to make choices that are right for us. If we live in this way, we will do what is right for us and there will be no problem. There is an ancient zen saying: "eat when hungry, drink when thirsty." That is all we need to know.

So if I am to take space from sugar, I need to stop obsessing about it. Instead, I must practice being present, so that when faced with the choice whether or not to indulge in sweets, I have the presence of mind to decide what is right for me. I'd like to suggest that in some situations, eating sugar might be okay since avoiding sugar can be socially awkward and even destructive. It might be right to have a bite of a piece of cake at a birthday party, or perhaps try a bite of some baked goods that someone has lovingly prepared. In effect, the problem is not sugar, it is the obsession with it, which may be quelled by complete abstinence, but can also be dealt with through meditation and increased awareness.


References:
¹ Pitchford, Healing with Whole Foods, 613
² Proust, In the Shadow of Young Girls in Flower, 154
³ Proust, In the Shadow of Young Girls in Flower, 197
⁴ Suzuki, Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind, 82