My Story

When I was a child my family and I used to go to the beech. The midsummer days were hot and muggy in Herring Cove, the small fishing village where I grew up. My two brothers and I used to collect pollywogs and minnows, and dig for ever illusive oysters. We buried each other in sand and created magnificent sand castles which we mournfully witnessed being drowned by the incoming tide. The sunlight created an amber glowing stage for the seagulls and sand fleas to dance on. The highlight of these excursions was the sweets my family would pack for our picnic. In particular I remember eating countless "After Eight" cookies. The wind having cooled the restless summer heat, and with only the itchy grainy sand to lie on, these sweets offered me the comfort that I deeply craved.

I remember eating cookies by the dozen at that time of my life. Through junior high I remained slim in spite of eating chocolate chip muffins, chocolate milk, and bags of chips daily. In Highschool, my consumption of high-fat, sugary foods caught up with me and my weight went up accordingly, but remained within a healthy range.

I attended the University of King's College, in Halifax, Nova Scotia. I felt a great deal of pressure to succeed. This pressure was mostly self-inflicted, although it was also inspired by a scholarship the renewal of which depended on my GPA. To deal with stress I drank a lot, I smoked a lot, and I ate a lot. From the first few days of College, I found it very difficult to make friends. I had low self esteem, and a very bad bodily image of myself. King's College seemed highly populated by students who oozed confidence, competence, and a comfortable sexuality that was clearly matched by their svelte physiques. I compared myself to these beauties incessantly, and as always when we compare ourselves to others who embody qualities we know ourselves to lack, and yet value deeply, we fall short. So, I fell short. And then, I drank a lot, I smoked a lot, and I ate. A lot.

Long story short, I developed an eating disorder which when it became dangerous led me to stop college. Eight years later I graduated with a Bachelor's degree in Philosophy from the University of Kings College. Through therapy and anti-anxiety drugs I managed to balance my relationship with alcohol and food. It is a tenuous balance, and I still have some pretty bad days.

I now live with my supporting and loving partner in Cork Ireland, where I immigrated to pursue my passion to be a traditional Irish musician. I started Zen meditation in May 2010 at the Dojo in Cork. At around the same time I made a conscious decision to follow a strict vegan diet (a decision that I am still committed to, in spite of several hiccoughs along the way). I am blessed with the opportunity to travel a lot, and I meet wonderful people through music. I am enrolled in a "teach english as a foreign language" course this August, and plan to embark on a new career path.

I wish I could tell the story of a beautiful young woman who used to have problems and is now cured. I am not ready to write that story yet. I have started blogging mid-journey, so my posts will feature reflections on the daily quest to reach emotional and physical balance. Thank you for reading, and I hope you will continue with me on my journey.

Warm wishes,
Erin